There is no apology that needs to be made
No forgiveness that needs to be earned
I am strong enough to admit and allow this for myself
There are times spent in the shadow
Of my doubts and disapproval
Where I find discouragement rather
Than a lesson in self-acceptance
It's a beautiful world out there
And I have spent far too long living in this dark place
It often takes the help from others to see the colors of the world
To help paint the shades and differences in the landscapes
And despite that illness, I am grateful
And this is changing from craving your own ending
To having the strength to grow
To have the gall to see this through is much more of an undertaking
These insurmountable, painful thoughts breech
The confines of comfortability and compromise my forgiveness
But I know that they do not define me or discount me as a person
These dissonances and troubles are only temporary
And although they will leave me with long-lasting impressions and even damages
That is what I need to grow stronger
And to realize that this is something that is survivable
And more importantly worth surviving
I was once told that all I can do is
Take everything one step at a time
One day at a time
But at its basest elements
I am only human and can only accommodate for so much
And I'm trying to be gentle every day
To understand what it means to love myself
And what it means to be a good person
To be gentle to myself and to others has been a season
Of reconnecting and growing
But I know that it has been worth it
Pain is the gift that we too often try to ignore
And run away from
It is the unpleasant and brutal blessing
That tells us what we need to know and what we need to do
And I need to learn how to love myself and how to stand on my own
And I can't help but think of the people that I love
And I know that love me in these trial times
Because they are what keep me here
When I don't feel I am enough to stay
Because of these people, I no longer feel bereft
I am grateful that I can love others
And that I am learning how to love myself
I admit that I am alive
Add that I too, matter, and have meaning